House Girls (maids)

The first time I encountered a house girl as such was actually in RSA 15 years ago.  I was a bit unaccustomed to and uncomfortable with it back then.  And now, I can see that it can be mutually beneficial if (and only if) it is managed in the right way.

At Teopista's, Annette is their house girl.  Her father died recently and she, as the eldest, has been forced out of the family home in search of work.  She hasn't been through school and her skills are solely in running a home and cooking.  Annette came to Teopista's and Lawrence's home 6 months ago.  She is happy with her work and there is great love and respect between Annette and the family.  Every morning, Annette was already up and working when I awoke at 5.45am.  She was stooping low with wet cloths and wiping down every inch of ground and tiling so that they didn't carry the dust.  By this point, the stove was also already lit and the coals ashen-white with heat.  Matoke (green banana wrapped in banana leaves) steamed daily from early in the morning.

I was very fond of Annette.  She was soft and fun, and always happy to help you out.  I took a long time to figure out how I should behave with her as I was, right 'til the end, uncomfortable with her 'serving me'.  I found that the best way was to ask her to show me and teach me so that I could learn to help.  In this way, she felt as though she were giving me guidance while I felt that I was helping her.  All in all, we found a togetherness which I think she enjoyed as much as I did.

Here at the final household before my homecoming, there are two house girls.  The dynamic couldn't be more different.  They are called Margaret and Fatima.  The relationship between them and the homeowners is just not working.  The child who misbehaves, at the age of 5, reminds them: "Who do you think you are?  You are nothing.  You are nobody.  You do as I say.  Do you hear me?  I said, do you hear me?"  Margaret and Fatima bow and say, "Yes" with broken defeat as they know that he is the boss and that the family can dismiss them at any second.

It is not as simple as I make out and far from the whole story though.  The house girls are rough with the children of the house.  They shout at them relentlessly to do this and that.  I think that the boys, in particular, really don't like them.  There is no mutual respect, no calm, no routine... in fact, none of the things that are essential for children to feel safe and content.

What a huge risk it is to allow complete strangers into your household... to trust them to manage your children while you are not there, never sure if they behave differently behind your back.  I know that I simply couldn't ever allow myself to be in this position.